I recently came across a two part video on YouTube called “Is Bipolar Mania Spiritual Enlightenment?” and I was very curious about what the video was all about. Currently and in the past, I have been borderline obsessed with content surrounding the topic of ‘enlightenment’ and I have read many books on eastern philosophy, consciousness, perception and religion so this topic was naturally of great interest to me. I could personally relate to a lot of what was being said. In fact, I believe my condition with bipolar disorder and the effects it had on my experience of my life has been the main driving force behind my obsession with understanding my existence through philosophy, psychology and religion. The pits of my depressions and the highs of my hypomanic mood have brought me to places where my brain has functioned very differently than what is apparently the norm. I’ve always felt different, thought different and behaved different than the people in my social surroundings. At times I’ve felt a deeper understanding and communication with the universe, where I’ve felt that I could perceive things as they truly are and see past the delusions brought on by the senses. I believed my extreme shifts in mood opened new windows into worlds that would normally be hidden to my mind.

I knew that there were definite similarities in the experience of mania and the description of the concept of enlightenment (in a general sense), but I never completely linked the two as being one and the same. Nor have I since watching the videos. However, I do think that author of the videos has highlighted some interesting aspects of some of the common experiences of bipolar disorder that may require further investigation - a sense of oneness with everything, a deeper understanding of life, indescribable sensory experience, extreme sensitivity, timelessness, tremendous love & appreciation for beauty, a release of repression (shame), sacredness, the feeling that the universe is testing you, confrontations with death, experiencing your origins, a change in values/behavior, and more concern for social issues.

I don’t fully agree with many of his conclusions, but I do acknowledge and commend his attempt to better understand his personal experiences of bipolar disorder by taking the time analyze and decipher what the disorder was allowing his mind to perceive and attempt to link it to a deeper understanding of himself within the universe. The main area that I disagree with in his conclusion of bipolar mania being enlightenment, is the sense of peace and control that is supposedly experienced during enlightenment. From my understanding, enlightenment, once achieved is not as reckless as a bipolar manic episode. There is a cessation of desires brought on by a deeper understanding of reality. You are calm and at peace in your mind and in the world. You become content by understanding your true identity and connection to the universe. Your thoughts are perceived correctly and lose the drastic influence they once had on your sense of identity and behavior. For me a manic episode, as interesting as it is from analytical perspective, is not enlightenment. There can definitely be deep insights derived from a manic episode, but the sense of control over one’s mind and behavior just isn’t there.

I don’t want to discredit anything that the author of the videos has suggested because I do think he has made some important observations about bipolar mania that require further investigation. I believe many of these experiences are quite valid and can be learned from if the time is taken to analyze their content. I’ve noticed through my own personal accounts that there is a terrible tendency to devalue the experiences brought on by bipolar disorder because they are labeled a product of mental illness. We are told that these experiences mean nothing and that we are not normal for having them. They don’t fit neatly into the social context of our societies and the majority of people fear the content they reveal to the people experiencing them. The world easily forgets all the great music, art, science and philosophy that people suffering from mental illness have brought to us throughout the ages. I believe all experience can tell us something important about ourselves and the world around us, regardless of the apparent or implied distortions. I remember one of my favorite history teachers in high school telling the class that ‘truth’ is simply what the majority agrees upon and perhaps this is holds more truth now than ever.

Is Bipolar Mania Spiritual Enlightenment? (1 of 2)

Is Bipolar Mania Spiritual Enlightenment? (2 of 2)

Vincent van Gogh (1853-1890) was one of many artists of the past afflicted with a form of mental illness. Although his diagnosis is still debated today, many believe that he suffered from bipolar disorder. His hypothesized diagnosis is based on his history of suffering multiple distinct episodes of depression followed by periods of high energy and enthusiasm, psychotic breakdowns and delusional episodes. Although he did frequently drink to excess, smoked to excess, had a poor diet and also indulged in consuming Absinthe, the latter addictions could possibly have been a form of self medication that is commonly seen in people diagnosed with bipolar disorder and may not have been the cause of his mental illness like some have come to believe.

Regardless of what the actual diagnosis is, Vincent van Gogh has shared a world through his paintings that truly resonates with something deep in the mind. Perhaps this is the outcome of articulating mental illness into art and if so, maybe there is something to be learned from mental illness that can help us collectively expand our sometimes narrow points of view. I know for myself that there have been moments during depressed and hypomanic episodes where the world has communicated with me in a similar way that his paintings do. A communication filled with ambiance, atmosphere, mood and intense feeling.

Whether it’s following consistent sleeping patterns, following daily routines, exercising regularly or eating a well-balanced diet, never underestimate the effects that these simple and controllable aspects of your life can have on your mental health. I know for myself that up until about 4 months ago, I didn’t really care about or focus much attention to the effects that any of these aspects had on my life. Mental phenomenon always felt so detached and impenetrable from the physical conditions of my body. Regardless of what I ate or what happened to my body, my conscious awareness always felt relatively the same. The short term effects brought on by a bad diet, bad sleeping patterns, lack of routine and lack of exercise were so subtle that they went unnoticed. Eventually the effects brought on by these bad habits became part of just the way I felt and I didn’t see the connection between the way I felt and my lifestyle choices. This became especially evident once I started researching alternative treatments and management strategies for bipolar disorder and discovered that all of these aspects play an important role in managing bipolar disorder.

In September, I decided to quit the most obvious bad habits that were part of my life. This included smoking, drinking and very irregular sleeping patterns. The effects in these extreme cases were felt quickly and within a few weeks I noticed a difference in the way I felt physically. I could breathe easier and my body didn’t feel so drained, but mentally I was still all over the place. My depression that started in mid-August continued even though three bad habits were eliminated.

In one of the books that I was reading at the time on bipolar disorder, the author suggested that adding a routine to your daily life can be very helpful in achieving the feeling of accomplishment and control in your life, so I started thinking about what I could do to add a routine to my life. One major part was taken care of with my sleeping routine. I began forcing myself to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time, ensuring that I got at least 7 hours of sleep every night. My work schedule was already set and gave me routine from Monday to Friday, but I needed something that gave me the feeling of a more personal accomplishment. This is where I decided to build the “I Am Bipolar” website, forum and blog. It gave me something to routinely manage, research and write about. Creating the website really helped give me a sense of control over bipolar disorder and helped me to actively pursue feeling better, while potentially helping others feel better. Mentally I was still very depressed, but I felt like I was headed in the right direction. I wasn’t hopelessly depressed anymore, I was actively searching for hope.

Next thing on the list was nutrition and diet. I wasn’t eating very well and I was drinking about 6-8 coffees a day. I read many articles on an experimental treatment from Alberta called EMPower Plus, which was a high dosage multivitamin/amino acid formula for bipolar disorder, and I decided to pursue something similar. My mother knew a pharmacist/chemist at a local lab in my town who does blood/urine body chemistry testing and we made an appointment to get tested. It turned out that I was deficient in many areas, and the pharmacist/chemist ordered a custom multivitamin/amino acid formula along with ProEPA omega-3 supplements. I started taking these about 6 weeks ago alongside my prescribed medication, and I am beginning to feel significantly better. My mind feels much clearer and the symptoms of my depression are only slightly felt now.

My current outlook on things is opening up and I am starting to research the effects of my diet on my mood. I have cut back on my coffee intake to one coffee a day and bought a cookbook on healthy eating (lots of fresh fruits and vegetables). I’m also investigating a possible gluten intolerance that I may be suffering from and I am awaiting results from a test for this that I had done a few days ago. Depending on the results, I might be switching to a gluten-free diet. Anything that can help, I am willing to try.

I rented the BBC documentary “The Blue Planet” on the oceans of our planet and watched the first two DVDs, and I was truly amazed at how sensitive and vulnerable the ocean ecosystem really is and it really got me to thinking: if a change in one element of a substance that covers 98 percent of our planet can dramatically effect all species who rely on that substance as the foundation for their survival, then what can a change in a substance that feeds our brain bring about in our mental functioning? If evolution has designed our species as a microcosm of the larger macrocosm, then we are just as susceptible to subtle changes in diet, sleep, routine and exercise as the ocean is to the effects of the moon’s gravitational pull, global currents, sunlight and plant life. If I have learned one thing, it’s how complex and interconnected everything is. One element cannot be changed without affecting every other element, and when dealing with the central nervous system this becomes especially true.