Julie A. Fast
Posted December 2008
Julie A. Fast is a critically acclaimed author who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 31. The books she has written and published include, Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner written in 2004, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder written in 2006 and Get it Done When You're Depressed written in 2008.
Julie is also a national speaker and expert in the field of bipolar disorder and depression. She has found ways to help thousands of people living with bipolar disorder through her books, speaking engagements and advice. She has discovered tecniques to help those on medication, as well as those who have trouble tolerating medication, find ways to better manage their condition and live happier and more productive lives.
(Reference: http://www.juliefast.com/bio.php)
1) When did you first get diagnosed with bipolar disorder and were you ever misdiagnosed previously?
Julie: I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 31 in 1995. It seems like such a long time ago! Ivan, my partner at the time was diagnosed with bipolar the year before at age 22, so it's amazing that no one saw my signs sooner. Of course, I now know that there are two types of bipolar disorder. Ivan had Bipolar I (one) with very severe mania and psychosis and I had Bipolar II with hypomania and psychosis. Our depression was the same. Bipolar I is a lot easier to diagnose. I had my first hypomanic episode at age 17, but no one knew what it was. From age 19 until 31, I was misdiagnosed with depression and an inability to control my wild behaviour- which of course was undiagnosed mania! I saw doctors, therapists and naturopaths looking for answers, but since bipolar disorder II was not talked about at all, no one thought to ask me about signs of mania.
Bipolar I and Bipolar II share 100% of the same depression symptoms. The only difference is the severity of the mania- Bipolar I has full blown mania that usually requires hospitalization. Bipolar II has hypomania that is often missed by health care professionals unless they know the right questions to ask. There are two types of many- euphoric where everything is fantastic and beautiful and dysphoric where things are disjointed, anxious, irritated and sometimes aggressive.
2) How did you react to your initial diagnosis?
Julie: I was shocked, but very, very happy for the diagnosis. I literally had no idea what was wrong with me and as my symptoms got worse and worse I blamed myself more. For about seven years, I often woke up and thought, "Oh my god. I have a serious mental illness." I am used to it now, but I still feel sad for myself and others who have it! I always tell people that though bipolar disorder is not so wonderful, a diagnosis is a wonderful thing. The symptoms are going to be there no matter what- so it's good to know what is causing them. With all of my heart, I wish I had been diagnosed at age 17 or at 19 when I had my first serious depression!
3) Any advice for someone recently diagnosed?
Julie: This is a good question. I have a supportive and kind answer and a pragmatic answer. I always tell people to go easy on themselves for what they may have done in the past such as an affair, a suicide attempt, failed work and school performances, relationship problems and all of the other situations people with the illness regularly experience. This is an illness which is why we have the SAME symptoms and behaviours. No one is at fault or weak for having this illness. Bipolar disorder is an illness that makes it difficult and sometimes impossible for a person to regulate their emotions. Period.
And here is my pragmatic answer. Bipolar disorder is a chronic and very serious illness that never goes away. It must be monitored and managed daily- even if you have medications that work very well. Everyone with the illness needs a plan they can use for the rest of their lives and they have to teach everyone in their lives how to use and help with the plan. It's no different than having insulin dependent diabetes in terms of management. Many people have a great response to medications and their management is more of an observation of moods to make sure they are staying stable. People like myself have mood swings daily and must monitor the illness constantly. I want to be honest here. We can all have full and stable lives - but it takes a lot of work. I do it, so others can do it as well!
And here is one more comment- medications are essential in the management of the illness. It can take a long time to find the right combination, but it's worth trying! I found a great medicine a few years ago and it has changed my life in wonderful ways!
4) Did you think you suffered from a mental illness before you were diagnosed or was it a complete surprise?
Julie: I had symptoms from age 17. People with bipolar I are often surprised by the illness as the mania and psychosis can be so quick and so shocking. I have never met someone with bipolar II who was not able to point to a lot of symptoms from early adulthood. I remember when my partner Ivan got so sick- it really was a shock for all of us. And then we looked at the past- he had been depressed off and on since his late teens and had two minor manic episodes when he beat up a stranger on a train platform in Japan and had an affair with a student he was tutoring in Japan. I can write about this freely and without pain as I know it was 100% caused by bipolar disorder. I tried so hard to find words for what I went through. When I had rapid cycling- which is defined as three or more mood swings a year- I would say, "I'm going through changes!" I now have to laugh because my rapid cycling between depression and hypomania is quite severe- sometimes five or more mood swings a day! I was unable to finish school in a normal amount of time and rarely stayed in a job longer than a year.
5) Did the people close to you think something was wrong with you or did you hide your symptoms well?
Julie: Oh yes! I write about this a lot in my books. Everyone in my family was expected to go to college . I was always told how smart I was- which means that my ‘problems' were confusing to my family. People always said, "Julie, you are so smart! What is wrong! Why can't you settle down?" I know the reasons now, but at the time, it was difficult to get a handle on why I did things that negatively affected my life. I remember my aunt saying that I must have something like ADHD because I couldn't get my act together. And I was right there! This was all so confusing for the people who loved me. No one had any answers- so I was just considered messed up. I never hid my symptoms- but they were rarely seen as I moved constantly. I did have a major hypomanic episode when I was 23 that upset everyone. My parents were living in Japan- my dad was in the Navy. I went to visit and literally, and I mean literally went wild. Drinking all night- dating three guys at once- having sex in my parent's house and even in the backyard. Hypomania is so tricky because I was still just normal enough to make it seem that all of this was a choice. I remember when I got back home to Seattle and said, "What happened! What happened? Who was that person?" I met my first husband during that wild time and we were married after spending two weeks together. When I got severely depressed about six months later, no one, including myself had any idea what was wrong. It was simply all about me. My ex husband and family tried so hard to help me, but the depression was too strong. I was negative and unhappy. And yet I still went on with my life and simply couldn't figure out what was wrong- I had a wonderful man in my life- I was in school and I had lots of friends. Looking back, I feel sad for us all!
6) What techniques do you use to help manage your bipolar disorder, if any (medication, diet, exercise, therapy, etc.)?
Julie: I have a very comprehensive treatment plan that I talk about in all of my books. The treatment plan is called the Health Cards Treatment Plan for Bipolar Disorder. It changed my life- in fact, it gave me my life back. I explain how I created it in my work. I have to manage bipolar disorder 24 hours a day. I mean this literally as I often wake up sick. I have heard a lot of people say- why does she focus on the illness so much! The answer is that I have a really bad form of rapid cycling that doesn't go away. I was stable for 33 days in a row last year! That is the longest string of stability I have had in six years. It was great as it was not hypomania! I monitor my symptoms, watch my triggers vigilantly and get a lot of help from family and friends. I saw my wonderful therapist Robin for five years - that helped a lot as we focused on management. She was always there when I fell apart. It was important to have someone who could listen without getting stressed out or overwhelmed. I now see her when needed.
I have not had success in terms of diet and exercise- it makes my body feel so much better when I am healthy, but I don't get relief from mood swings. Many people do though! I am worried about my physical health in terms of diet and exercise as people with bipolar disorder are much, much more likely to have heart problems. I know that taking my meds and managing triggers is the only way I can stay stable.
7)How has bipolar disorder affected your professional life and relationships?
Julie: Wow, that is a loaded question. First of all, let me say that things are literally 100% better than when I was diagnosed and even better than that in the last two years. The secret is that my management skills got better even as the illness got worse, so I have found a balance where I can work a lot more and have stable and long lasting family and friend relationships.
Ok: now for the reality. I can't work at an office or any type of work setting. The pressures of having to be there and especially the stress of dealing with co-worker dynamics are way too much for me, even for part time. To put it lightly, this has been devastating for me as I want the office environment. I like to be around people and go to happy hour and work on projects and feed off the ideas of others. But it's not going to happen. It's something I have to live with. So, I made the decision to do what I can. I work on being able to work every single day. I use my Health Cards treatment system every day. I go easy on myself even when the illness holds me back, so much that I feel like I will never be able to work effectively. I wrote my book "Get it Done When You're Depressed" because I know others go through the same work difficulties. I have created a plan that allows me to be productive within the confines of bipolar disorder. I can work so much more now: at least 20-25 hours a week. I wrote all of my books doing part time work. It's hard, but I am proud of myself. I started speaking professionally last year. It's a dream come true. I've had to sacrifice a lot to make it this far, but work and especially work success are extremely important to me.
8) How has bipolar disorder affected your personal life and relationships?
Julie: Ah, now on to relationships. If you know my work, you know that I can't and don't date. It's too much for me. I'm great within relationships, but the stress of dating, especially internet dating, is simply too much for me. I actually get so ill I stop functioning if something goes wrong with a new guy or I put too much pressure on myself. I have learned and accepted that this is 100% bipolar disorder as it happens no matter who the guy is, how nice he is or how we meet. I stopped dating a year ago and this is why I've been able to work. What a loss! But it's my choice. I've talked with my therapist and friends about this and we all agree that my finding a relationship is going to be a part time job. I have to expect that will make me happy and just be ready for it. I said I was going to do this in a few months, but I don't think I can. I want to move forward work wise and I can't mess it up. This doesn't mean it will always be like this. I have had great relationships in the past and plan to have one again. It's just bipolar, and I now know how to manage that so I will learn to manage dating!
My relationships with family and friends are exceptionally good as I work on them constantly. I lost most of my friends when I got sick from 1995-2000. When I created my Health Cards, I realized my problems and changed every single one of them. No kidding! Now I don't have relationship problems. I am very discriminating with the people I let in my life and have been rewarded with true and long-lasting friendships; of course I still have the normal problems that all people have, friendships that end, fights with my brother, etc., etc., but I can honestly say they are rarely bipolar related. It took me years to recognize what I was doing that drove people away and then to make sure I didn't repeat my mistakes. I wrote an article for BP Magazine about this.
I don't want to sound like Pollyanna here. I still struggle greatly with relationships in my heart and brain. I get extreme OCD and paranoia. I worry that my friends don't like me or that they sound strange on the phone. My depression tells me that I will be alone forever and that my relationships are all a lie. When I get sick, I feel all of the old problems and resulting behaviours well up in me: the difference now is that I rarely act on them. Sometimes I even hold my head in my hands just willing myself not to do something stupid that bipolar disorder is telling me to do. I have learned to live with these extremely uncomfortable thoughts and feelings and have people around me who will listen when I get like this. It's still hard though - really hard!
9) Have you ever experienced negativity or stigma from people who have become aware of your condition?
Julie: No! In fact, everyone is fascinated and always says, "Wow that is a tough illness. You're really strong!" I always laugh when I go to a party or any social gathering: when people hear what I do at least one person says, "I have a brother, mother, sister, friend, co-worker with bipolar disorder." (Or they say depression). Then they ask questions. If a person meets you and sees that you're stable, they are very unlikely to judge you. The judgment and stigma comes from not knowing someone. That is why I feel we need to educate people about the illness and about ourselves. This is not always appropriate at work or when you first meet someone, but it is appropriate with friends, families and understanding coworkers. My goal is to be an example of what those of us who manage the illness look like. I tell everyone - if it's appropriate - that I have bipolar disorder. I refuse to hide this illness. And of course, when people say "what do you do?", I have no choice: they always find out!
10) Have you ever experienced more positive or accepting reactions from people who have become aware of your condition?
Julie: As I said above, people are more curious than judgemental. This has so much to do with the balanced media stories that have come out in the past few years. If we band together and show others that we can manage this illness successfully, they will admire us and want to be our friends!
11) Do you think mental illness is generally looked upon differently now than it was 10 years ago? Better? Worse?
Julie: Well, I definitely feel that mood disorders, autism and ADHD are seen differently. Absolutely. But I know for sure that schizophrenia and personality disorders are very misunderstood and feared. When I was diagnosed in 1995, people didn't even know what it was when I mentioned my diagnosis! I can't imagine that happening now. Everyone knows the name at least. I call bipolar disorder the illness du jour! Organizations like NAMI and DBSA are really making a difference. I work with them as much as possible. I think we are the real ambassadors though. When we manage the illness successfully- we teach others not to be scared. I often have people say, "Wow, you are the most stable person I know!" That helps end the stigma.
12) What more do you think can be done to change the public's perception of mental illness?
Julie: Here is an idea- what if we picked a day- let's say July 15th! and we make a pact that all of us all over the world who have bipolar disorder will stand up at a certain time and say- I have bipolar disorder or my mother has bipolar disorder- my sister, friend, dad, boss, etc- can you imagine how the world would change? There would be so many of us and so many family members that people would have to say- wow, this is an illness, tell me more!
Wow, if you add depression to this- we could create an earthquake when we all stand up!
But... and this is a big caveat.. it's estimated that 40% of more of people with bipolar disorder can't see or won't admit they have bipolar disorder. So the numbers would not be as large as I would like. As I said above, the best way to change the public's perception of mental illness is to be an example of what a person can do to get better. I also think that we can educate everyone we meet, as most people are curious about the illnesses.
13) Do you consider bipolar disorder part of who you are, part of what makes up your character, personality and experience of self?
Julie: I see bipolar disorder as an illness that sits on the real me. When I'm not sick, I am a happy, balanced and focused person. Actually, when I'm not in a mood swing, I'm more able to relax and just have fun. Bipolar disorder completely distorts the real me. My life changed for the better when I learned the difference between the ‘me' and the illness. I think that bipolar disorder has shaped my sense of self, but it has not affected my personality at all. That's the definition of a mood disorder- it's episodic. That is one of the good things about bipolar as well as being a curse. For some people like my former partner Ivan, it's good because he went 12 years between manic episodes. I am not so lucky. My mood swings are very chronic. I constantly struggle to remind myself who I am - and that the thoughts I hear and the things I feel ARE NOT REAL. That has helped a lot. I was only able to do this because of my Health Cards. They helped me discover the real me. I had my first episode at 17 and I was in my 40's when I finally got a full picture of the illness and what it does to me. This helped me see the REAL ME- and the REAL ME has nothing to do with bipolar disorder. That's an illness.
14) With bipolar disorder having a lot of negative traits attached to it, is there anything positive that you associate with your personal experience of your bipolar disorder?
Julie: There is nothing positive about bipolar disorder- I would be a lot better off without it. I am pragmatic and know that my learning to manage the illness has made me a much better communicator, friend, partner, writer, etc, but it's not worth it. I was on that path anyway. I know that many people say things happen for a reason and that I have bipolar disorder so that I can help others. A lot of people tell me that I have done so much with this disability. I agree with that at least. I think it makes other people feel better to try to make me feel better. They say, "Julie, you have done so much! You are so amazing!" But what choice do I have if I want to live? All of us with bipolar disorder are truly amazing. This is a hard illness to live with! I praise all of us. I don't necessarily think things happen for a reason, but I know for sure that we must find reason in things that happen!!!!
15) If the medical establishment could offer you a pill tomorrow that would cure bipolar disorder and remove all the associated symptoms (positive and negative) would you take it and why?
Julie: Where is the water! Hand me a glass! Are you kidding? I'd take the pill. I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't. This is a great question because it speaks to the concept that there is something different from bipolar disorder other illnesses. Imagine this question to a person with brain cancer: ‘If there were a pill tomorrow that removed the cancer, would you take it?' We all know the answer to that one! I can respect very much that this question will get a lot of answers, but I think it's so important that it is put in the context of other illnesses.
If you would take a pill to remove your insulin dependent diabetes, heart disease, MS, leukemia, etc....
I once asked a friend of mine who has bipolar disorder if she would cut off her arm to get rid of the illness. She said yes before I even finished the sentence. I have bipolar disorder and I accept that, but I will never stop hoping that something comes along to truly take it away!
16) Anything else that you would like to add?
Julie: I get sick on most days- either with depression, hypomania, anxiety or ADHD symptoms. It's my life. I recently went on a trip to see people I haven't seen in years. When I heard myself talk about my life, I realized that I talked too much about how bipolar disorder makes my life difficult. There is no question that it's true. I can work half the amount that normal people can. I can't go out late. I can't date. I can't, I can't I can't! Just because something is true doesn't mean I have to talk about it all of the time. I have a goal for 2009. When I have a good day, I am going to take advantage of it. I am thankful I discovered a way to manage bipolar disorder and my goal is to help others do the same. Bipolar disorder is an illness that can be treated successfully. I'm proof. I'm not in the hospital! I found a medication that really helps! I have a lot of friends and family who care about me. I am going to focus on that to the best of my ability so that when I do have a tough day, I can remind myself that my life in most areas is very good. I'm an optimist at heart.
Website
The Julie Fast Show
Published Books
Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner
By Julie A. Fast & John Preston PsyD.
Get It Done When Youre Depressed
By Julie A. Fast & John Preston PsyD.
Take Charge Of Your Bipolar Disorder
By Julie A. Fast & John Preston PsyD.
based on 7 reviews.
