Marya Hornbacher
Posted December 2008
Marya Hornbacher is an American author who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 23. The books she has written and published include, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia written in 1998 (published in fourteen languages and taught in universities and writing programs throughout the world), The Center of Winter written in 2005, and Madness: A Bipolar Life written in 2008.
Marya has been the recipient of many awards in journalism and was a Pulitzer Prize nominee. She has lectured at universities throughout the United States, taught writing and literature, and has been published in academic and literary journals since 1992.
(Reference: http://maryahornbacher.com/about.htm)
1) When did you first get diagnosed with bipolar disorder and were you ever misdiagnosed previously?
Marya: I was diagnosed correctly at age 23. I had been misdiagnosed with depression repeatedly prior to that.
2) How did you react to your initial diagnosis?
Marya: I was torn. On the one hand, I was incredibly relieved that there was a name for what had been ripping my life to shreds for so long; I felt that if there was a name for it, if it was a "real" illness, then maybe something could be done. On the other hand, I was deep in denial, and was horrified to think that I had a mental illness-I had so many misperceptions about mental illness that I believed it was the end of my life. So wrong. Had I accepted the diagnosis and treated it aggressively, I could have saved myself a lot of pain.
3) Any advice for someone recently diagnosed?
Marya: Accept the diagnosis-don't be scared. Read everything you can find on your disorder. Get a psychiatrist who will really listen to you and work with your specific needs. And TAKE YOUR MEDS. Be patient while you're looking for the correct medication with your doctor; it will all sort itself out eventually, and the stability you'll gain is worth it.
4) Did you think you suffered from a mental illness before you were diagnosed or was it a complete surprise?
Marya: I knew almost nothing about real mental illness. I thought I was "crazy," knew I was different, knew there was something wrong with the way I thought and felt-but I strongly believed it was my fault, some kind of character flaw in who I am. So learning that there was in fact a biological cause for my struggle was big news to me.
5) Did the people close to you think something was wrong with you or did you hide your symptoms well?
Marya: Again, they knew very little about mental illness either. They, too, knew there was something "wrong" with me, though they didn't know how bad it was, because I did try hard to hide it. But they were always concerned, and trying their best to get me any kind of help they could.
6) What techniques do you use to help manage your bipolar disorder, if any (medication, diet, exercise, therapy, etc.)?
Marya: I am very aware of how critical medication is to the ongoing management of the disorder, and I am very consistent in taking it. I also see a therapist weekly, which helps me manage the situations in my life that are or might be affected by the bipolar. I do a lot of yoga, which, like meditation, has been shown to have a definite neurological effect, calming the nervous system, and easing the anxiety I often feel. I avoid caffeine for the most part, and I drink no alcohol. These things in combination have been very effective for me.
7) How has bipolar disorder affected your professional life and relationships?
Marya: Absolutely. I've had to leave jobs I loved because of it, have been unable to finish important projects, have confused colleagues with my rapid switches between high and productive, and low and unproductive. I have been quick to anger in bad situations, have committed to more than I could follow through with and therefore let people down, and more things along those lines.
8) How has bipolar disorder affected your personal life and relationships?
Marya: My relationships have always been affected, as I think most bipolar people's relationships are. I've lost important friends, alienated people I loved, and put the people who have stuck around through the wringer. All this was constant before I was treating the bipolar. Now that it's well-managed, the best outcome is that I'm able to be there for people who were always there for me. It's good to be able to support others when they have supported you for so long.
9) Have you ever experienced negativity or stigma from people who have become aware of your condition?
Marya: Yes. People are sometimes simply frightened by it and don't want to hear anything on the topic, or they shut down contact after learning I have bipolar. It happens far less these days than it used to. People know more now, and are becoming aware that bipolar is just a disease, and can be managed, and doesn't mean anything negative about the people who have it.
10) Have you ever experienced more positive or accepting reactions from people who have become aware of your condition?
Marya: Many times. Most people these days are inclined to tell me about their own loved ones or people they know with bipolar, and to ask questions about it. In work relationships, I'm very straightforward about having it, because it affects my work patterns, and while it sometimes startles people, they are usually glad to know, and pleased by my willingness to talk about it and be straight about what I can and can't do.
11) Do you think mental illness is generally looked upon differently now than it was 10 years ago? Better? Worse?
Marya: Yes, I think there's an enormous change for the better. Ten years ago, when I was diagnosed, no one was talking about bipolar, and there was very little public acceptance of schizophrenia either. People still firmly believed in the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" nonsense, and I think now the awareness that that's just not how mental illness works is more widespread. But I think there's a very long way to go. I think it's improved in some circles, but the larger population still knows too little about it, still fears it, still vilifies it, and still needs to know the truth about what it is.
12) What more do you think can be done to change the public's perception of mental illness?
Marya: My intention in writing my memoir on bipolar was to get people talking about their stories more openly, starting a dialogue that would go beyond just people with mental illness, to their loved ones, and from their loved ones to the larger world. It's all a matter of talking about it openly. The longer we hide it, the longer we perpetuate the discrimination and stigma that are born of misunderstanding. When we talk, we become a powerful social voice capable of making real change.
13) Do you consider bipolar disorder part of who you are, part of what makes up your character, personality and experience of self?
Marya: Not really. I consider it an illness I have. I'm aware that it affects how I feel and how I see things on a very regular basis; I try to detach in order to see how I myself think and feel. Sometimes that's more effective than other times. I do see the fact that I have a chronic illness as part of my life, but not as part of my character or personality. Our experience of self is such a patchwork of things-facts about our external lives, about our internal lives-and so my experience of self is affected by bipolar, but not defined by it.
14) With bipolar disorder having a lot of negative traits attached to it, is there anything positive that you associate with your personal experience of your bipolar disorder?
Marya: Only that I would not trade the life I've lived for another life, and would not change the mind I have for another mind. I believe this is a particular challenge I have to face, and it has strengthened me enormously. It is also devastating at times, and those times teach me patience and require me to have faith that things will improve. My mind works very well in many ways; it's also a mind that breaks down from time to time. That teaches me acceptance. All in all-the positives are there. Not easy things, but positives.
15) If the medical establishment could offer you a pill tomorrow that would cure bipolar disorder and remove all the associated symptoms (positive and negative) would you take it and why?
Marya: Yes, I would. I am glad to have had the experiences I've had so far; but I do not experience much good from the symptoms, and find that they radically hinder my life, work, self-confidence, and relationships. If I could, I would take what has happened to me and learn from it, and go into the rest of my life with less trouble ahead. But I think we are all dealt a certain hand of cards, and this is the one I've been dealt-so I'll try to play it well.
Marya Hornbacher Interview 1 of 3 On iDream.tv
Marya Hornbacher Interview 2 of 3 On iDream.tv
Marya Hornbacher Interview 3 of 3 On iDream.tv
Website
www.maryahornbacher.comPublished Books
Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
by Marya Hornbacher 
Center of Winter: A Novel
by Marya Hornbacher
Madness: A Bipolar Life
by Marya Hornbacher
based on 4 reviews.
