Bipolar Disorder | Terri Cheney - Stable Moods: An online resource for people affected by Bipolar Disorder

Terri Cheney

Posted December 2008

Terri Cheney is an American author who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 34. Terri wrote and published Manic: A Memoir in 2008, which is an intimate account of bipolar disorder experienced from the inside out. The memoir developed out of Terri's internal struggles to properly articulate the inexpressible sensations of mania, depression and psychosis in words more comforting than clinical medical jargon. Terri started writing about everything she could find related to bipolar disorder and after seven years of writing, she realized that she had in fact written a book.

Before Terri dedicated herself to advocacy of bipolar disorder, she was a successful honors graduate of Vassar College and attended UCLA School of Law. Following her studies, she specialized in intellectual property and entertainment litigation at several prominent L.A. firms. During her sixteen-year career, Terri represented many celebrities and major motion picture studios.
(Reference: www.terricheney.com)

1) When did you first get diagnosed with bipolar disorder and were you ever misdiagnosed previously?

Terri: I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder around 1994, when I was 34 years old. I was previously diagnosed with major depression, around 1987.

2) How did you react to your initial diagnosis?

Terri: I was relieved to know there was a clinical name for what was wrong with me - and that there were doctors who specialized in treating it. Prior to the diagnosis, I just thought it was all my fault.

3) Any advice for someone recently diagnosed?

Terri: There are more and better treatments available now for bipolar disorder (and other mental illnesses) than ever before. If you feel a medication isn't working, or you can't tolerate the side effects, tell your doctor and keep on telling him! You deserve to feel better. Most people in my experience aren't assertive or communicative enough with their doctors.

4) Did you think you suffered from a mental illness before you were diagnosed or was it a complete surprise?

Terri: I was surprised by the bipolar diagnosis at first, although I knew I had some form of mental illness. But bipolar put it all in perspective for me - the chaotic cycles of ups and downs, the inexplicable periods of super-high functioning, followed by weeks when I couldn't even get out of bed.

5) Did the people close to you think something was wrong with you or did you hide your symptoms well?

Terri: I hid my symptoms very well from most people, especially the people I worked with when I was practicing law. Boyfriends often caught on to the fact that there was something "different" or "difficult" about me, but no one ever accused me of being mentally ill. I think that's because few people ever saw me really depressed - I would tell everyone that I was sick with one thing or another. I was very creative about it (I'd read medical books to come up with plausible symptoms).

6) What techniques do you use to help manage your bipolar disorder, if any (medication, diet, exercise, therapy, etc.)?

Terri: I'm extremely compliant with my medications. I think meds are my last best hope. I have a good relationship with my psychopharmacologist and with my regular therapist, whom I see once a week (and talk to more often, if necessary). I'm also rigorous about my sobriety - I've been sober 9 years now, and run a dual diagnosis group at the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute for people with substance abuse and mental illness issues. Writing has been especially therapeutic for me, and I belong to two writing groups which provide me structure and emotional support. Telling people I have bipolar disorder has been difficult, but a godsend: the shame grows less and less each time.

7) How has bipolar disorder affected your professional life and relationships?

Terri: I decided to stop practicing law, even though I had a successful career, because I simply couldn't stand the stress of the constant deadlines, as well as the office politics. I miss the money, but I don't miss that life. Writing is much healthier for me, and it's what I always wanted to do. So in a way, bipolar disorder forced me into realizing my dream.

8) How has bipolar disorder affected your personal life and relationships?

Terri: It has been very hard for me to maintain friendships and relationships in the past, because I would disappear whenever I got depressed. I wouldn't return phone calls, I'd cancel appointments and dates, etc. And when I was manic, I would be abusive and unfaithful, running roughshod over people's feelings. On the other hand, I think bipolar disorder makes me unusually sensitive and attuned most of the time.

9) Have you ever experienced negativity or stigma from people who have become aware of your condition?

Terri: On occasion. One man I was dating - a psychologist, no less - stopped seeing me because he said he couldn't handle the baggage. But on the whole, I've been extraordinarily surprised and moved by the positive response I've received to my disclosure.

10) Have you ever experienced more positive or accepting reactions from people who have become aware of your condition?

Terri: Almost without exception, when I tell people I'm bipolar, they immediately come back with stories about their own experience with mental illness. It seems like everyone knows someone with the condition (or else, they're bipolar themselves). This has been the biggest shock to me - I expected people to run away and hide when I told them, or shun me forever. Instead, friends and strangers and family have opened up to me, in a way I could never have imagined possible.

11) Do you think mental illness is generally looked upon differently now than it was 10 years ago? Better? Worse?

Terri: Ten years ago, I was still practicing law, and hiding out for dear life. I never dreamed that I could write a book about my bipolar disorder, and that it would not only be accepted for publication, it would hit the New York Times bestseller list. There is a deep curiosity and craving for information about this disease, that I don't think existed a decade ago.

12) What more do you think can be done to change the public's perception of mental illness?

Terri: It's simple. More people need to say these two words: "I'm bipolar." Difficult as it may seem at first, making this disclosure to friends, family, work associates, and the public will open up doors of understanding and acceptance that will otherwise remain closed forever. Bipolar disorder needs to be talked about as "casually" as diabetes, or any other physical illness. Because it is physical, as anyone who has it knows all too well.

13) Do you consider bipolar disorder part of who you are, part of what makes up your character, personality and experience of self?

Terri: I consider it integral to my personality, and to my experience of the world. I think I see things more intensely, and feel things more deeply, than the average person. This has its pros and cons, of course. As a writer, it's invaluable. As a human being - it can be tough.

14) With bipolar disorder having a lot of negative traits attached to it, is there anything positive that you associate with your personal experience of your bipolar disorder?

Terri: I think being bipolar has given me greater insight and empathy. I have had such a tumultuous life, I can't help but relate to other people's suffering. I also think being bipolar heightens my senses, which, as noted above, is a great thing for a writer.

15) If the medical establishment could offer you a pill tomorrow that would cure bipolar disorder and remove all the associated symptoms (positive and negative) would you take it and why?

Terri: Tough question. I would give anything never to be depressed again. But give up the exquisite sensibility of hypomania? Never. And frankly, if I wasn't bipolar, I would have never written "Manic," which changed my life. So I think my answer has to be no.

16) Anything else that you would like to add?

Terri: I don't think enough bipolar people understand that if you drink or use drugs, the meds simply don't work. Getting sober for me made a tremendous difference in my recovery. I can't always control what happens with my disease, but I can make this contribution to my stability. It's my gift to myself.